Loss
As I rebuild the “Updates” section of My website, this page is the temporary home for My 2018 “update” about the passing of My slave b, which is linked to from My Sardax page.
January 17, 2018
LOSS
I found out this past weekend that one of My slaves/clients, "b," died unexpectedly several months ago and I am stunned, sad, and feeling a profound sense of loss. Slave b and I met in late 1995, soon after I started offering professional BDSM FemDom sessions. He was one of My first and longest-term clients. We enjoyed sessions primarily in My dungeon; however, we also went to OWK together in 2001 and made annual shopping trips to Boston for BDSM equipment and fetish clothing at the New England Leather Alliance (NELA) Fetish Fair Fleamarket (when it took place in Boston). Last July we discussed our plans over phone and e-mail for a trip to Avalon in Berlin and for commissioning our second Sardax portrait together, among other things. We both had a busy fall season on the horizon so I was not too concerned when My birthday, then the holidays started to pass without communication. With the arrival of the New Year though, worry started creeping in and I sent an e-mail. I received no response. I knew something was amiss. He was a youthful and exuberant 64 years old and extremely active, but I had a feeling and I went directly to an obituary search online. I found his obituary and this is how I discovered he had died completely unexpectedly after an active day with friends . . . and just two days after our last e-mail correspondence. The cause of death was not disclosed. So now I wonder and mourn the loss without the option of connecting with others who knew and will miss this special person too.
This is one of the drawbacks of being a professional Dominatrix. I and many other Dominatrixes care, often deeply, about our submissives, clients, and scene partners (just as they care about us). In professional BDSM situations, real full names are rarely used. Even if they are, family and friends are usually not asked in advance to notify the deceased's Dominatrix in the event of his/her death (this did happen for Me once and the friend forgot to call for several weeks). In fact, family and friend's often have no knowledge of the dearly departed's proclivities, much less the existence of his/her Dominatrix, so Dominatrixes worldwide are left to wonder if a submissive's total absence is merely the result of "moving on" for any number of reasons or something more tragic and permanent. Fortunately, I knew My slave's/client's real name and other information that allowed Me to find out why he had disappeared from My life. I am offering no sage advice, words of wisdom, or even suggestions here, just some food for thought. Our BDSM relationships, while professional and/or limited in many aspects, are also intense, deep, complex, intimate, fulfilling, healing, and life-altering -- or perhaps just a fun refuge from the real world. It may be a good and/or appropriate thing to come up with a plan of notification in case your secret partner dies.
2000 New England Leather Alliance (NELA), Fetish Fair Fleamarket, Boston
2002 New England Leather Alliance (NELA), Fetish Fair Fleamarket, Boston
2004 New England Leather Alliance (NELA), Fetish Fair Fleamarket, Boston
2005 New England Leather Alliance (NELA), Fetish Fair Fleamarket, Boston